Initial Review of my new Nokia Lumia 1520:
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Saturday, November 30, 2013
so there's a guy who has been wooing me for almost two years now. on paper he's utterly amazing. smart, attractive, in shape, thoughtful, caring, and kiss really well, and for some ungodly reason thinks the world of me.
we tried dating a two years ago but i really wasn't ready for any kind of relationship, which i made very clear, but he still went full steam ahead so i had to cut him off a couple times before we agreed friend is better. but he used that as a means to slowly break me down and would ask for another chance or date only once a month and i always said no until this month.
two dates later, first of two being one of the best dates i'd ever been on. he remembered the little things. took me to an amazing restaurant with a super large scotch and whiskey collection where i got to try some brands and ages i'd never heard of. then whisked us off to Black Salt, one of the best restaurant groups in the DC area, because he was close friends with the executive pastry chef and asked her to make my favorite key lime pie so she put it on the menu just for that night and sat is in their private dinning room. this was a surprised and a welcomed once since I had never been to Black Salt let alone ate in their private dinning room.
so it's those things that make him stand out, but at the end of the night, when i'm alone and longing for someone to hold me or to be with me or thinking about plotting a life with he isn't the man that comes to mind. something is 'missing' for me and after two years and multiple rounds i think it's only fair to him at this point to end it.
so i did.
while i feel awful about it, it's for the best. what decent person would continue to see someone knowing they are twice as invested in what could be than you are? not me.
but it sucks
because being alone is starting to get to me. doing all of 'this' alone is starting to get to me. not having someone in my corner, someone to depend on for emotional support and encouragement is starting to get to me.
but even still i won't hurt someone just to have them help fill a void.
that's an end i can't support.
but this end
ending an end for the right reason is the right thing to do
even if it does leave me feeling like shit
Thursday, November 14, 2013
From lack of you in it
Like a ghost, you enter
Only the pulling of my heart strings
And weightlessness of my words are left
Not the solace of your touch
The promise of your kiss
The scent of your embrace
The looks you give me
when I see them
And all the ones I don't
Forced impact without touch
A loving and longing for pain I've known
As a cure for the pain I know now
In this silence
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
there's this ideal you have of me
and this life i lead
but would it surprise you to know it's all imaginary?
and not really seeing 'me'
because i'm a farce
something i once dreamed possible during the years of my innocent youth
but as i've grown in age and wisdom
i've grown in realism and bitterness
and i know that dream is but a dream
so i spend my time pretending it's all not true
when i know it is
and i lay here thinking of ways to end it all
knowing i can't
and no one knows the difference
because i can sing and dance and sell them what they want to see
but all i really want
all i've ever wanted
is for them all to see the real me